Crystal clarity

A crystal has clarity, transparency, multi-faceted beauty. It sparkles and glitters with the light that it contains. Its irregular outer belies the sacred regularity of its inner world. It has great strength and endurance. It flowers its petals beneath the ground. It needs no audience. It just is. Radiating purity and light into the world, for the sake of nothing but creation. Its life is undiluted by projection; it is a paradox of self-containment and universal radiance.

But even the crystal, one day, will turn back to dust.  And I too come from dust and will return to dust. So I like to think that, in the deepest nook of my heart, there lies a crystal that needs no audience, that just is.

 

We only need our own validation

 

I used to care so much about what others thought about me. I just wanted to be liked by everyone. This meant I moulded myself into the person I thought people wanted me to be, which of course was quite an act to keep on top of, as every person wants something different.  But I was very good at this game – this is one of the ‘benefits’ of being a highly sensitive type. I am very able to detect other people’s moods, emotions and expectations, and able to pander to these admirably.  This is great for getting on with people, finding partners and friends, doing well in your career etc – basically anything that’s dependent on relationships, which most things are. But it is an absolute disaster in terms of your relationship with yourself, and therefore ultimately a disaster for every other aspect of your life, as the superficial pretence can’t be maintained forever. Understandably, by changing myself depending on who I was with, I completely lost all sense of who I was in the end.

I remember when I eventually realised I was unravelling spectacularly and found a counsellor, he used to ask me about my feelings and I couldn’t answer him. I would delve inside and find… nothing. A blank, a void. I felt like I didn’t exist, like I wasn’t a ‘real’ person. Which, I suppose, I wasn’t most of the time – instead I was a brilliantly crafted version of a whole raft of different personalities, depending on who I was with.

So, that’s why this blog has been a long time coming.  I suppose until now I’ve still cared too much about what others think to put myself on the line, as it were, in a exposed position where I am fully aware that it’s likely many people will disagree with my thoughts.  Until now, the thought of anyone not thinking highly or approving wholeheartedly of me has been too much to bear and I have tended to avoid confrontational situations at all costs. It’s been a long old journey coming to a place where I value speaking my truth above likeability and above needing external validation. I’d be lying to say I don’t care at all – of course I would love to be understood and respected for my views.  But now I realise the egoic limitations of hiding my truth for the sake of being liked – it is but fear holding me back. Instead, I have come to an understanding that I only need to validate myself. Any other external validation is a secondary bonus.

So, my usual self-audit is to check whether my writing is coming from a place of current personal truth and an intention to spread love and self-empowerment. If it is, then I give it my personal stamp of validation. If not, then it’s back to the drawing board. Sometimes the answer isn’t clear, and I’m sure I won’t always get it right.  But these days I know that, if I only have to answer to myself, then I’m OK either way, as I have learnt to forgive myself for any perceived mistakes.  There are in fact no mistakes, only learning opportunities for growth.

I would also say that, given my social chameleon credentials, it’s been a long journey towards being able to tune into my personal truths.  Once I realised my self-destructive pattern of people-pleasing, there then followed a few years of getting to myself again, which was painful and joyful in equal measures, and unbelievably liberating.  The journey continues, as I believe the depth of our relationship with ourselves has no limit.  We gradually uncover layer after layer of illusion, coming ever closer to the true light that we are. It’s a life work, and the most endlessly fascinating and fulfilling one at that. Becky May, it’s a pleasure to be getting to know you finally!

I encourage you to delve within today and find out something new about yourself… 🙂

 

Where on earth to begin?

Having decided to begin a new blog, with honesty at its centre, whereby I can share my personal truths, I am now utterly bewildered as to where to begin.  So, I take a deep breath, appeal to my higher self and receive the following answer: ‘It’s the simplest thing in the world, Becky. Just speak your truth in this moment, always.’ So, I will just begin writing, to see what truth flows out at this moment in time – my best writing is always my spontaneous, uncensored truth of a moment.

Why is it so hard to speak our truth in this world we live in? Why are we so threatened by truth or, worse, so disconnected from truth that we no longer recognise it as such? We all possess the most formidable authenticity radar within us. It’s our gut instinct, our innate intuition, the sixth sense, whereby we detect someone’s energetic even before they speak, or we feel the energy of a place as soon as we enter. Yet most of us have lost our connection with this very natural part of our make-up.  It is very evident in animals, whose existence hasn’t been overlaid with the meaningless complexities that our own lives have, the ‘stories’ that disguise, muddle and hide the simplest truths.

Those who are naturally more sensitive and therefore still in tune with their inner truth radar, or those who reconnect with it through dedicated inner work, often struggle to get on in the world. Why? Partly because the existence of this hugely important part of us is pretty much scorned and denied in the modern, western world therefore there’s a lack of validation for those experiencing their own deep connection to it and resultant confusion, and partly because, where it is acknowledged, it is often wrapped up in all kinds of mystical nonsense or lauded as being a particular gift of the spiritual elite when, really, it’s part of our very basic human condition, one which we used to rely on for survival.

Well, I would argue that, once more, we humans need to connect to this extra sensory awareness, for our survival.  It is our disconnection from it that has brought us to this seemingly nonsensical situation, where as a species we are following a path that will lead to our own self-destruction, probably not too far into the future now, even when we know, through deeply uneasy pit of our belly sensations, this to be the case.  Why don’t we fight against this situation? Because we feel powerless.  But this is because we have forgotten the huge power that lies within us.  And rediscovering the fullness of what we are capable of, of which reconnecting to our full sensory awareness and intuitive powers is but the tip of the iceberg, is the only way we will reverse this crazy trajectory.

I will be talking a lot about truth in my blog posts. I will also be talking a lot about the current planetary imbalance between male and female energies, which is a huge factor in our current disconnect with an entire side of our being. We live in a very unbalanced world, where male energy massively dominates.  Male energy is about doing, thinking, goals and achievements.  Female energy is about being, feeling, receiving, and the process rather than the end results. Our intuitive powers, visionary creativity and connections to the ‘unseen’ elements of life are the realm of female energy. It is through a long history of female suppression that this less tangible side of our condition has apparently almost been erased, now so often the subject of scorn of ridicule by the mainstream. Yet this is to all of our detriment. We all have male and female energies within us – this is the universal wisdom of yin and yang.  To feel happy, we have to have balanced our personal energies, yet most of us, both men and women, have suppressed our female energy big-time, and we all suffer for this, individually and collectively.  Furthermore, it is the disastrously weak female energy of the planet that has allowed us to come to this nonsensical point in history, where through not being in touch with our feeling side enough, we have lost touch with our connection with our planet. We fail to understand that when we harm mother earth we harm ourselves.

For sure, we need both energies – neither is more important than the other. But, right now, the thing that’s going to save us and our planet is a huge surge in female energy, and we all need to take personal responsibility to make this happen.  We need to get touchy-feely again.  We need to stop thinking that love is a dirty word.  We need to re-frame sex into the expression of divine love and mutual respect that it’s supposed to be.  We need to stop ‘doing’ for a while and get back in touch with our emotions and just enjoy and explore ‘being’.  Note your response to this paragraph. Do you feel uncomfortable prickles on the back of your neck?  If so, this is a symptom of the imbalance of our planet, the fact that we find the prospect of exploring emotions so threatening and challenging.  To truly explore emotions requires truth and courage, which brings me back to my original question about why truth is so rare these days – and I mean pure, authentic truth.  We are scared of it. We feel it will expose us, make us vulnerable. Yes it will, but vulnerability is a beautiful thing. Vulnerability is our salvation.

And, as one last point for today, I do not consider myself a feminist. For a start, I resist labels wherever possible as they immediately imply division, unless the labels are a description of something universal, such as oneness or unity.  As such, if a label is required, I would say I’m an ‘equalitist’, in that I believe each and every one of us is as important as the next, regardless of gender or anything else. I believe we are all jointly responsible for the situation we’re currently in – how can we not be? It’s true that male energy is overtly more powerful, but female energy is just as powerful, in a very different and perhaps even more potent way, and therefore we all have to take responsibility for finding ourselves out of balance, individually and globally.  Therefore we each of us now has to take personal responsibility to rebalance our own male-female energies, but I do concede that, as a surge of female energy is required at this time, the onus is likely to be more on women than men to initiate and develop this surge as, in general, we women are more than likely to have a natural tendency towards a domination of female energy within us.

Certainly, this has been the journey I have been on over the last few years, as I sought to rediscover and embrace my female softness and intuitive powers.  The results have been remarkable, and I will share more of my story in future blog posts.

But, enough from me for one day. Haha, having struggled to know how to begin, I am now struggling to end the post! I take this as a good sign… 🙂

Have a beautiful day. xx